I feel like pleasing you more than before
I know what I want to do but I don’t know what for

To be living for you is all I want to do
To be loving you it’ll all be there when my dreams come true

To be anymore than all I am would be a lie
I’m so full of love I could burst apart and start to cry

• • •

I spent almost the whole of my today thinking about the word, “CONSUMPTION.”

This is what the dictionary on my laptop gave:

consumption |kənˈsəm(p) sh ən|


1 the using up of a resource : industrialised countries should reduce their energy consumption.

• the eating, drinking, or ingesting of something : liquor is sold for consumption off the premises.

• an amount of something that is used up or ingested : a daily consumption of 15 cigarettes.

• the purchase and use of goods and services by the public : an article for mass consumption.

• the reception of information or entertainment, esp. by a mass audience : his confidential speech was not meant for public consumption.

dated a wasting disease, esp. pulmonary tuberculosis.

• • •

 Is consumption a good or bad thing? Well, I’ve been feeling that lately I, as a person, have been consumed. My energy and focus gravitates towards those consuming me and then the best of me is gone. In other words, I’ve been allowing myself to spend time getting angry at those who don’t necessarily matter to me, and then realise that I’ve wasted time getting angry at them because it’s not worth it. 

I’m talking about my job or the lack thereof

My original workplace fucked me over whilst I was in New York by accidentally terminating my contract. After calling them from New York 4 times, going into the store 4 times, calling them whilst I’ve been back in the UK 2 times, a phone call to their head office, a phone call to the union, and a letter of formal grievance to head office, they have called me back 8 weeks later, Monday 13th February 2012, and asked me when I can start work.


I don’t know why I thought everything will be kosher when I left for LA in the summer



 The thing is, they consumed me spiritually and emotionally. I’ve never bitched so much in a month. And when/if I go back, I’ll just be nothing but a working organism to them. I work for their consumption. And I have work because people want to consume. I’m talking about retail.

After all I’ve been through, I wonder whether I should have gone through the whole thing. I actually hate retail. Many companies in the retail industry pride themselves on customer service but they treat their employees like shit. I took further action because I didn’t like the feeling of being disrespected, and I didn’t want them to get away with it. Simple. The thing is, I don’t want to work with those people [staff in charge] nor do I want to work with this company.

But I need a job because I need to get by. I also need to consume right?!

It’s been on my mind all day

If goods were bartered for good characteristics, such as love, I think I’d be ok. I think we’d all be ok. Love, I tend to give it away. I still have a lot left and I like to share it. I have yet to find something, or someone that can consume all my love. And I’m not really looking. Sometimes love is that little thing you need to keep you going.

I don’t love my job anymore. To be honest, I don’t think I ever have. But I know that I never hated it before. I am only going back to  this because I have needs. Money is a funny thing. But don’t let it consume you. I don’t plan on doing this job forever. It doesn’t make me happy. I hope that whatever I end up doing in my future will make me smile when I wake up in the morning. I know it won’t be easy to get there but I hope I can share a gift that will keep on giving. I only hope I can give more than what people will consume from me.

I’m learning about myself one day at a time. Hope I made sense and that you understand why I chose this song,


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